What was it? What captures it? What was the overall feeling or sentiment?
Rome was breathtaking…its ancient buildings and structures humbling in both size and age…
Rome was rich…its history, art, food, wine and culture saturating our every sense…
Rome was inviting…its quaint streets and innumerable cafes, restaurants, and gelaterias beckoning us in with their scents and sounds….
And at the same time…
Rome was exhausting…its hills and the world’s most enormous cobblestones taking a toll on both of our bodies
Rome was overwhelming…its thousands of cathedrals and museums and restaurants and historical sites leaving us torn and indecisive
Rome was frustrating…its classic Fall weather paired with my uncooperative bladder leading to soggy, well…everything
As I’m learning is true with most travel, the overall takeaway from an experience is rarely composed of wholly positive or wholly negative sentiments…but instead a mix of the two.
So as much as I would LOVE to say (and have the world think) that our trip to Rome was absolutely seamless…sunny, perpetually smile-filled, free of tourist mobs…you know, the general social media trend…it just wasn’t. At many points, it was actually really rough.
So what do we do when travel is exhausting…overwhelming…frustrating?
What are the roots of these sentiments, and are there ways that we can mitigate and/or combat them?
We’re working on it…and for our next trip, here are our reflections and goals:
One of the primary things that sparks discontentment in our travel is FOMO. For those of you who are not familiar with the phrase, I bet you anything you’ll relate to it…the Fear Of Missing Out. I’m telling you, people…even if everything we have planned and/or accomplished on a given travel day is phenomenal and seamless, I somehow have this idea or sense that it could be just a little bit better…that I’m just barely missing that one thing that will boost it to the next level.
Here’s the issue…if I’m spending the entirety of a travel day thinking of the next best thing, there’s no possible way for me to actually be present and enjoy where I am. I am so consumed with what “could be” that I am not engaging with what “is”. And at the end of the day, this kind of thinking leaves me with a set of experiences and memories that could be vivid and pure if I had been actively engaged and content; but instead are jaded by a veil of anxiety because I spent the whole time worrying about missing something that might be better.
I could make a list of all of the travel days I have spent doing this very thing… which is undoubtedly why John proposed goal 1…
GOAL 1: Do some research…make a list of things we’d like to do. Do the things we’ve planned…everything else we fit in is “bonus”
Perhaps an adherence to this goal would have spared us from the Day 4 Rome meltdown of 2019 which we dragged behind us out of the quaint market, down the entirety of the historic circus track, into a random lunch spot where I wept at a table, and back into the street where we decidedly released our FOMO and shame with the realization that we had already accomplished in Rome everything we had set out to do. We rallied for an amazing late-night museum date, and a last-minute trip to a used bookstore.
Another thing that contributes greatly to discontentment in travel is my physical body and whether or not it chooses to behave. Chronic nerve pain and spasms are no joke…and my spinal cord injury has brought with it both of these struggles. Although controlled relatively well with medication, by the end of the day, I am mentally and physically drained. If my nerve pain is severe, I find it difficult to focus and be present…often exacerbating my FOMO. I feel like I’m missing out on an enjoyment of where I am, simply because my body is not cooperating.
For this reason, we developed goal 2…
GOAL 2: On long days, plan to take a rest in the middle of the day…like an actual “go back to the hotel and lie down” rest.
Often at home, I will “make myself horizontal” at least once during a given day. It may seem silly to lay down and take a rest when you’re in a foreign city with things to see and places to be…but if I don’t, I have found it difficult to rally through the pain and fatigue to really enjoy both a full day AND an evening. A rest enables me to be present and engaged by giving me the short break that I need from my pain and spasms.
In order to make this possible, we have started trying to book hotels that are near the center of the “action”, and that are easily accessible from places we want to visit. It becomes much less encumbering to go back and take a rest when our hotel is only a 15 or 20 minute walk/roll away.
The final goal aims to combat both FOMO and the physical challenges of travel…
GOAL 3: Stagger activities involving lots of rough cobblestones and pavement with time spent in museums or doing activities that are generally less hard on our bodies.
If we do a FULL day of cobbles and rough pavement and pushing…chances are high that both of our bodies will be tired and sore the next day. Fortunately, many of the places we visit are filled with lovely museums, cafes, restaurants, parks…places that are SMOOTH and give an opportunity for physical rest.
Following a physically strenuous day or activity with one that is a bit more restful helps to control the fatigue, nerve pain, and spasms.
Obviously, these are goals, not rules.
Travel pretty much always requires a degree of spontaneity, and I have no doubt that we will not achieve all of these goals every single day that we are on the road. I do think it is a good framework for us to work off of, though.
A big victory is recognizing and acknowledging that travel can be really hard, especially with a disability…and that’s ok! It’s ok for things to be challenging….and I’m not setting these goals in order to completely negate hardship in its entirety…but I do believe that it’s good to reflect and modify and plan to set yourself up for success.
The point is, when you have a disability, things are going to be tricky. When you travel (disability or not!), you’ll probably face some of the struggles listed above.
Yes, we can and should fight discontentment with gratitude…yes, we can and should choose a positive attitude in the midst of frustrating circumstances…but we can also plan ahead and set goals…
I’ll let you know how it goes 😊
