Last week, our family took a day trip to Amsterdam. John’s parents, sister, and brother in law were visiting from the States, along with our precious niece, Gabriella. I intentionally say that our family went to Amsterdam, omitting myself and John…because yes, we were on Gabby duty. Now when I say “duty”, that implies that this was some sort of burden or requirement. In reality, we brought up the idea; and for me it became one of the most empowering experiences of our time here so far.
sweetest Rella…you are pure joy
We begin with a feeding and a morning nap. You can hold your own bottle…but you don’t insist on it, and neither do I. Your precious eyes gaze at me and around the room…your hands reach up to touch my hair, or out to hold my hand as you drink the nutrients that sustain you; and in this moment, a level of trust and vulnerability is revealed and established.
After first nap, we head to the library. I meet my friends from church here nearly every Tuesday for story/song time…but I seldom have a baby of my own. You love riding on the scooter with me. We strap you in using the ergo for long distances, or for times when I know I will be going very quickly…but at 11 months old, you are strong and stable enough to sit for the few blocks to the library with me holding you.
You warm up to everyone in the library by observing from my lap. We have a little snack of granola and bananas from Sarah, and after about 15 minutes, you are ready to join in the fun.
You venture off my lap and quickly begin showing off…your favorite trick being your ability to push me around :) I have not encountered one human that can see you doing this and not smile. You discover a set of two stairs with a metal banister you can hold to balance…and it’s more tricks from there! Soon, you’re waving at your new friends, saying “hi” and “bye”, and babbling like crazy. Your smile and laugh are contagious.
You move to the books where you decide they all must visit the floor. A new friend helps you clean up as you pass her one book at a time and they are returned to their home on the shelf. The rhythmic helper in you loves this process. We wait for Uncle Jern to meet us but his call goes long and it’s almost time for nap! My heart swells when your tears are quelled as you are passed to me. I put on your jacket and hat, hook up my scooter, and we are on our way!
We pull into the apartment…and not a moment too soon! I look out the window to see POURING rain! A bottle and a second nap give me time to pick up where needed. I clean some bottles, make the bed…but really, I’m just excited for you to wake up.
After second nap we have some play time in the apartment. Hiding toys in the Tupperware is a huge hit, as is the walker loaned by Susan. We have some puffs and try a pouch…and let it be known…you do not appreciate pouches with meat in them. I don’t blame you, baby girl…room temperature pureed quinoa and turkey isn’t that appetizing to me either LOL :/
Uncle Jern finishes work and it’s time for a ride! This time we do use the ergo. You’re very observant, baby G…quietly watching the world pass. Your body is relaxed and your eyes wander. It’s chilly, but we are warm. I’ve brought your gloves and hat…there is nothing cuter.
We explore a part of Delft that is new to me. The big canal stretches further outside the city and we follow it. Yellow leaves both blanket the ground and filter the fading light from above. The crisp breeze and pure air refresh and calm us simultaneously. One last visit to the city center is in order, especially with the setting sun casting its final pink rays upon the massive church tower. Pictures, always…then home for bed.
The nightly spa ritual commences with a bath in the kitchen sink. In case you thought things couldn’t get any cuter…they most definitely can :) You love the water, but hate it on your head. Angry protests are “distracted away” with kitchen utensils and the small bottle of coconut oil you love to hold. I’m nervous as I brush your hair. Your crown is beautiful, sweet girl. I haven’t missed a bath time yet this trip, so I know the method in theory…oil, cream, and detangler…purple brush, black comb…am I breaking it? Am I hurting you? You play contentedly as I carry on. Sweet curls regain their shape and body and voila…I’ve done it! Mina and I do lotion, a new diaper, PJs, and your sleep suit. Uncle Jern takes it from here.
My heart is warm as he carries you upstairs for bottle and bedtime stories. Meanwhile, I prepare dinner with Mina and Pops.
You sleep well…from 7 to 3 and 3:15 to 7. Jern and I are grateful to Pops for getting up with you in the middle of the night. His body and face massage methods appear to be effective…though I don’t think I’d be pleased to have my face rubbed in the middle of the night LOL :/
Morning comes and it’s more bottles and play time. Your joy is contagious. I want to capture every moment and every expression and put it in a box to remember forever.
Soon enough, your Mom and Dad are home. They’ve loved their time…but they’ve missed you. I don’t know if they understand how grateful and honored I have been to be entrusted with you for this time. I don’t know if you’ll understand how empowering it has been to feed you, lift you, transport you, change you, care for you…fully. Thank you for having faith in me.
You see, cobblestones aren’t only associated with the exploring and learning of new places. Last week, I conquered the cobblestone of caring for a child.
I’ve always loved babies…always been natural with them…but building up my confidence to care for a child while sitting has been a long journey for me. Deep seeded insecurity plagues me when I am unable to act on my former skills as they inform me of what a given child may want or need. Time and trials alone have allowed me to build up a new repertoire of adaptive childcare techniques…and with these new techniques, my confidence has grown as well.
There was a time when I thought I’d never calm and soothe a baby again…a time when I wondered whether or not I’d be able to change a diaper, dress a toddler, or lift a small child from the floor to my lap…a time when I wept for what was lost, and feared my future might never involve confident interactions with babies and children.
So, to all of the parents who have trusted me to care for their children despite the wheelchair, and to all the babies and kiddos who have allowed me to experiment on them as I learn to lift and feed and rock and transport from an adaptive standpoint, thank you. You’ll never fully know the gift you’ve been.
